You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
please don't ironically join a cult
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