We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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