Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
