Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
