we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
