Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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