but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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