She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
