Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
