I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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