My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
