Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
