please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
