what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize