I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
