I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize