The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
