So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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