the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
