In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize