We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
