**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
