I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
