Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
