she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
