You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
