We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
