i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
