Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
