I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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