"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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