dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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