we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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