maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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