I want to stick my p in your. b.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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