what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
