Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
