how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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