I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
FUCK WHALES
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
