its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
