It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
