Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
