Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
