his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
