I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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