It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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