you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
