I think my fart just growled at me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
