I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
