Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
