why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
