used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We smell like vodka and hangover
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