Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
