I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
