I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
