AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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