If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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