he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
