btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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