I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
pray to the hookup gods
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
