who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
