Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
