Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
