Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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