I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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