"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
