..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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