so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
