I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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