you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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