We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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